Facing rejection or failure can be tough, especially for children. It is too easy to blame yourself when you do not reach a goal. There are ways to help your child handle disappointment and get back up again. Here are five ways to help your child develop resiliency.
Connect Value With Character, Not Accomplishments
It is hard not to brag when your child gets good grades or helps their team win a soccer game. However, if the main focus is placed on achievements, your child will begin to feel pressure to succeed. Your child will miss the importance of their efforts and hard work, and when they eventually fail or come up against a challenge, they are likely to believe they are not good enough. Give encouragement for effort, and praise your child for their character, such as being responsible or learning from their mistakes. You can still celebrate when they reach their goals, but teach your child that there is more to them than trophies and high scores.
Step Back
You may have heard of helicopter parenting. A new term, called bulldozer parenting, is when parents remove any type of obstacle or problem that their child may have. While parents are acting in the best interest of their children, a child will soon start to feel like they cannot do anything on their own. Soon even small problems will look like insurmountable tasks to a child. Sometimes you need to step back and let your child do the problem-solving. At first, this may mean showing them the steps needed to problem solve on their own. This will help them build confidence that they can face many different problems.
Make Failing Okay
No one wants to fail. However, failure is always a learning experience if you have the right attitude about it. Teach your child that when they fail, they can take the opportunity to see what they can do better to achieve their goal. For example, if your child does not make the baseball team, you can encourage them to play catch after dinner a few nights a week. Discuss with your child that although we all have different natural talents, in an effort to grow those talents, we will all eventually fail and need to learn something new.
Encourage Them to Try Again
When a person fails, they often lose motivation and will not want to try again. Encourage your child that they have numerous opportunities to achieve their goals. You might do this by modeling your own attempts to be flexible and change your plans, for example, have a plan B, plan C, or plan D! Remind them to stay motivated and to keep their goals in mind as they change their game plan.
Validate Their Feelings
Allow your child to express their disappointment after they fail. They need someone to listen to them and to comfort them when they are feeling down. You can remind your child that you will always be there for them and cheering them on. Listening to your child will help raise their self-worth. As a result, they will believe that they can succeed in the future.
In Conclusion, fear of failure can cause children to lose confidence in themselves, turning to adults to solve their problems for them. Instead of fixing everything for your child, teach them to be resilient in the face of disappointment. Soon, they will be able to develop their problem-solving skills and face new situations with confidence.
